This piece, begins with a gratitude list, and becomes a kind of philosophical argument. My name is Grant Higham. Like me on Facebook and you can tell me if you want to print this or use parts of it. It's kind of intellectual property. PS: Andy, thanks for the chat, man. It was fun. If anyone already has my email and you can think of ways you want to use this, that's cool. Drop me a line.
Dear diary,
Life is full of challenges. One of the hardest challenges is just to go on and continue hoping that life can be as full of promise that it once seemed to be. I am in my thirties now and here are the things I see that I have done with my life so far.
I have been born
I have had a mother and a father
I have had a brother and two sisters
I have had nightmares and sleeplessness
I have had so many dreams
I have seen the sun and felt the rain
I have walked, run, laughed and cried in the rain
I have heard water on an old tin roof.
I have tasted baby food and seven course meals
I have danced, sang and played the shamisen
I have solved maths problems and won a maths competition
I have listened to music and watched other peoples movies
I have felt friendlessness and isolation
I have been camping with a friend
I have seen the ocean with my family
I have seen a dead 3m tiger shark wash up onto the shore
I have had two cats and five dogs
I have taken care of one animal
I have had several girlfriends
I have had one wife
I have been deeply distressed and cried a lot of tears
I have cried for other people
I have been in some very dark places
I have been to four foreign countries
I have lived overseas for seven years
I have studied two foreign languages
I have read a lot of books
I have started a book
I have read Shakespeare
I have written a play
I have been in a play
I have started a screenplay
I have started two blogs
I have been baptised in a protestan church
I have made a confession
I have made an open confession
I have prayed on behalf of the human race
I have been to a zen temple, a Tibetan monastery
I have sat in a Sufi circle
I have attended a Russian Orthodox Easter vigil
I have prayed the Lord's prayer in a Catholic Church
I have been slain in the spirit and "tried" to speak in tongues
I have had a prophecy spoken about me
I have experienced some really wierd things
I have read the new Atheism
I have read Vonneguts version of humanism
I have envisioned my own charity
I have shaken a homeless man's hand
I have helped a friend with feelings of shame
I have been to hanami and hanabi
I have tried to teach myself swimming
I have swum with a Special Needs class.
I have had a wedding
I have been to my brother and sisters and cousins wedding
I have attended my grandfather's funeral
I have stayed with an aunt
Of course, I have also had regrets
But who who or what if anything
has dreamt this little man's life
Was it all just a part of Life and it's many processes.
If so, I thank Life in all its wonder for my own
Was it part of the Spaghetti Monster's grand idea
If so, I'll thank it for the pasta
Was it as the result of old unused up karma
If so, I must have done a few things right
Was it just a waking dream
If so, I am glad I am still living this one
Was it all part of God's plan
If so, I thank my creator and ask for his help
I believe in beliefs
At least allow me that
I believe that beliefs exist
That's a belief right there
Or maybe I only believe that I believe in beliefs
When I really believe in something else
Ah but then there's that other kind of belief
The really bad one
The one that's called commitment,
faith and trust
Believing in something and acting
as if you believe in your beliefs
Can anyone see anything wrong with that?
Ah, but then there's dogma and tradition
Surely some dogmas and traditions are fine
What about the tradition of giving your child a name
Who would dispose of that?
What about the dogma that dogs are creatures
You're not a creationist are you
Actually, I'M not you can be if you want
I do believe that scientists should set the science curriculum
Some of those arguments are pretty complicated
I do believe that there must be many, many, many
creationists out there, who are in theory and perhaps practice,
impediments to the teaching of one stream of science
an important one at that, one which has increible explanatory
power for something as important as life and
that research that comes from that field of study is
integral to helping us improve life in all its conditions.
So I guess I don't really believe in that kind of creationism
But I do believe in some of those creationists.
I believe that they are human and they make mistakes
and have the capacity to be wrong,
but I also believe that many of those same creationists,
or people have lived much, much, much better lives than me
They must have because my own life hasn't been that great.
I have got a lot of stuff wrong and I have made many mistakes
I have had a lot of regrets, I guess.
Do I share the same dogmas as Buddhists, Hindus, Jewish people,
Muslims, Zoroastrians, witches, pagans, pantheists, panentheists,
agnostics, atheists, skeptics, humanists, couldn't give a shit-ists,
it's-not-that-importantists, scientists, mathematicians, artists, dreamers
dancers, singers, actors, film makers, photographers, cooks and cleaners.
I don't bloody know. I probably believe in some of what they believe
if they believe, in family, faith, hope, love, charity, peace, kindness,
dogs and people, and if they believe in my brother, I guess, for eaxample
We have stuff in common.
It's Easter Saturday. I believe in God, I believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost,
actually. For some people they say that's about the same as believing in the Spaghetti monster
or some such nonsense. What's he done for you lately apart from the pasta. I will read anything,
I will hear any argument, I will believe in your right to have your own beliefs.
But tomorrow's Easter Sunday, and I want to go to Church.
Personally, I would not say that I am a Buddhist, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Jew (more reservations about that one actually), an agnostic or an atheist. I think I believe in trying to be a better Christian.
I think I believe in trying to be a better humanist. I think I believe in trying to be a better creationist.
I think I believe in trying to be a better evolutionist.
I am a Christian. So, what colour are you? Who cares? Religion is just like skin colour to me, except one is freely chosen. It's not something I really care about. Like gay marriage actually. I have no opinion. Everyone else can care about it, so why do I have to? I have lived with gays and lesbian people just like I have lived with Koreans and Japanese people. I can say those things are true. I have been to their clubs. I have actually been secretly in love with a lesbian best friend, when I was 21. I have even, here's one for all you Louis CK fans, I have even kissed a man. One man who was a stranger. But, I've never been in love with a man. I wonder what that's like. Oh, I could just ask a woman somewhere. No, but I wonder if its the same being a man being in love with a man. I wonder if that's the same as being a woman who is in love with a woman. I'll wonder stuff like that sometimes, but I don't really care. It's just not my thing. Hey, Louis, I even believe in good misanthropists, you know. I believe in you guys, too. I believe in Nick, too. I really do believe in those two guys- but they aren't gay, not that there's anything wrong with it. Other people I have to try a little harder with. So what, who cares? It's all grist for the mill as Ram Dass used to say.
I believe that Jesus Christ, died and rose again, and no-one else has really done that in exactly that same way, or in any way close to it in real life on Planet Earth with real witnesses. And I believe that on the third day, in some mysterious way, that I can't understand, he rose from the dead and later he went into heaven. Where he kind of "sits" in some weird way that I don't think anyone down here on earth can really understand, although a very saintly man, or woman, somewhere, might. Maybe, someone else knows and they're not even saints. Maybe they just know. Maybe only a child somewhere knows the answer. All I know is that I don't know. Here's a kicker, maybe at least one intellectually handicapped child somewhere actually knows the answer to that question and I am right and you are wrong. On this one thing. It's possible, but you would say, highly unlikely. Who cares? I have my own weird set of beliefs that are uniquely my own and pretty hard to juggle.
Everyone else does not have to do that. They would probably go insane. I believe in the right of my little sister, and my mother, and my relatives to believe in whatever they want and to not have to justify everything they think. Ben Neale, for example, is free, in my book to believe whatever he wants. Because he is a much better man than me. I want to be like Mike. Le Bron James, not so much. The guys just a basketball player. But I want to be a better person, as well, as being a Christian. I have a few dogmas, but not that many. Let's just all try to get along. I want to be as good a person as Michael, Luke, Ben, Amigo, Michael Miller in Japan, Tom, whoever, just as good a person as some other people that might or might not be better people than me in lots of ways. I want to be a little bit as good as some of the best skeptics and atheists we have out there. The same goes for the best Christians we have out there. And I willl choose to try to be at least a little bit as good as the Dalai Lama, although I think more of Thich Nhat Hahn, who smiles all the time. He's my smiling coach,actually. That's true. I'm just not a very good student. Sorry, Thay. Sharon Salzberg is my kindness coach, and fuck it, Jesus can be my CEO. Because I believe in Him. I believe He died to help me.
For all you atheists out there. Watch a movie called Shooting Dogs about Rwanda. Watch it carefully, and think about your own lives. We should all try to be a bit like that guy. Just a bit.
PS: Don't really care much about gay marriage. Everyone else seems to. I get LOTS of stuff about gay marriage on Facebook. That's okay. Keep it up. Some of it is, coming, with, a, bit, too, much, regularity... But I like the one that said "So what if people choose to be gay, some people choose to be arseholes and they can get married."
Oh yeah, did I tell you. I reserve the right to make mistakes so I don't edit a lot. It's just a blog, man.
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