“I JUST FINISHED ANOTHER BOOK”
This piece was written for my closest
friend Michael on the 6th of March.
I wrote this at my old dirt park in Fukiage. The first time I ever went to this park, I absolutely
hated it. Everything seemed so
decrepit. Nothing in the park seemed
planned with any rhyme or reason. As you
enter the park, the most noticeable thing is a square of gravel about 5m in
width and length. This gravel is
surrounded by about 6 green park benches.
Circling further through the park, one sees randomly spaced trees, old
jungle gyms, something that looks like a skateboard bowl, a gravel play ground,
unmown grass, more gravel, lots of gravel, ropes keeping people from
trespassing into the weeds, more benches placed according to the strangest
geometrical patterns, and a centerpiece being an exorbitant fountain that doesn’t
really work. It’s the park I would have
designed if I was really drunk and feeling fairly misanthropic. I wouldn’t know how else to explain it. But here’s the thing, my dog loves it, and so
now so do I.
So anyway, I wrote something quite like
this in the dark in an old unused diary called Rumi 2012 Date Book. So this
writing is for my beloved sister, Stacey, who bought me the book. She came to Japan to visit me. We have some
photos somewhere around the house. I
love her.
Dear Michael, I have my plan, other people
have plans, too. I want to commit my
life to something more than paper. I
want to live a life I am proud of, and to do things within this world. For a start I need to make a symbolic gesture
by beginning SMART recovery for myself, before SMART recovery can begin for my
world. I am willing to commit my life to
four things: I am committed to God, I am committed to life, I am committed to
the human spirit, I am committed to the human race. All I ask is that my simple plea be heard by
people above me, the people in positions of power and authority. For reasons unknown and inexplicable, they
seem hell bent on escalating the human species race to the bottom, it’s free
fall towards mass extinction. Can we please stop this madness or at least
slow down our processes before we destroy all of the things that matter? Do we
really have to destroy the planet we are living on, the only planet we have
ever lived on? Do we really have to
destroy all of the other species that try to co-exist? Do we really have to rid our ecosystem of
every crawling creature, everything that soars in the air and everything that
swims in the sea? Before finally putting
our own race to bed. Please, if there is
anybody out there, please hear my plea.
Save and don’t Delete.......
LATER PARAGRAPH
Everything I
write is subject to further revision, because that is a BIG PART OF MY VISION,
just ask my friend (NAME) because we are locked in. We are friends forever now, I believe,
because I talked to him from my heart.
BTW, I don’t believe THAT much in concrete, so don’t get the wrong
idea. But I want to write my promises in
it. But I could write them in the sand
because that happens sometimes, too.
That’s okay. We don’t have to
feel bad about that. We have to learn to
forgive ourselves. You made your
commitment, just as I have made mine, just on the date. That’s the initial thing you have to do. Respect yourself for that. That, in itself, is a very good thing… to
take your first step… and then to… I don’t know… take another?
Someone I quite
like, basically Jesus, said if someone asks you to walk one mile with them,
walk two. But that’s pretty
difficult. Just take one staep, and then
the next. So do you know what I did, my
favorite Michael in the world, I did that and I would ask you to do the
same. Just like my friend, CP, did in
Japan. He made his first pledge.
I gave him 3000 yen he didn’t give it back to
me. Initially we worked together at
a small school. My friend didn’t like him,
so I cost that man a job because I thought he wouldn’t do a good job, and TBH,
I didn’t even know him. We interviewed
him at Maruzen, before that got moved.
But do you know what, mate, some things are irremoveable, like the
equator or, in my opinion, the Great Barrier Reef. Yet people, they can change. We change every day, and people deserve a
second chance and more than that, people deserve infinite chances. At least I think so. Not everyone, but most of us. That’s what I have tried to believe in my
life. I had to. I had to believe in myself and that was a
very concrete act of love. A gift to
myself from me, and who knows if I deserved it.
I won’t give up until my breath gives out, until I give up my
ghost. Or at least I’d like to think so. Even though, I have felt ashamed about some
things, some things deservedly so and some things not, this was my message to
myself. Never give up, just keep trying
and knock on some doors, just like I did today.
But the first
door you have to knock on is the door inside your heart. A lot of people can’t do that so you have to
help them. As I write this, I wonder
where I learnt that from and then I remember. One of the things that helped me
was some books by a man called Ajahn Brahm who lives in WA, who is trying to do
good. The first book he wrote was a book
of stories. The second one taught me something
I didn’t know about mindfulness, and something I didn’t know about love. Here’s the thing, Michael, even if I am not
quite linked in yet, you will do that for me.
You will link me in, because you did that for me a long, long time ago.
Of all of the
people in my life, you have been my truest friend. Sure, I’ve had other friends, but you’re the
main one, man. The one who would never leave my side. You were my first true, true,
true friend. I don’t know how many “true”s
to write. Should I write 3, 5, 7 or
9. Or should I write 13, 17, 19, 23 or
29. Or should I write 37, 41, 43, 47, 53
or 57. I don’t know. As there are infinite primes, you were the
primary one. You took me away from one
and turned me towards the many. For that,
you will have my eternal gratitude, forever and a day. You’re my number one.
Do you know who
I believe in? I believe in Mike. Because for me, that person has
cared for me more concretely, with more sincerity, than anyone else on this planet,
with the exception of, perhaps, my wife.
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