PROLOGUE
Dear world, my name is Grant Andrew Higham, but some people call me Gararantseraph. The extra a indicates that I am unafraid to act a little carazy, the serapaph is my dog's name. The name itself means angel, and he is the angel in my life. My dog has saved my soul and my heart and my life on so many days of darkness, doubt and despair. So, yes, I do believe in Universal Salvation, except for maybe a couple of people like Hitler. As I write that name, I wonder what happened to him. Why that particular biped ended up so fucked up. The thing is, he would have said that he was trying to do a bit of good. That guy had masive dreams. What- a 1000 year Reich, save the Fatherland, spread German culture, purify the human race? He was trying to do good in his heart, maybe. Maybe. Not definitely. Maybe. It was just a shame he got it all so wrong. I like my dreams better. My family and friends go to heaven, so does my dog, I can see all of the children I ever taught whenever I want, I finally get to meet Bill Gates. Whenever I want. I can make all of the dreams of all of the beings off all of the worlds come true. But only the good ones. I can see Mark Zuckerberg and discuss how to make Facebook for special needs children and be involved in that project. I can TRY to help save the world while being something as simple as aladdinjapan@gmail.com. I believe in infinite possibilitiies. One day, if you'd like, I will tell you why I think those things are logically true. If anyone knows anything about a Jesuit called Pierre del Chatard, or whatever his name is, they'll know someone else has dreamt the same or similar. A Protestant minister, and a universalist, named William Barclay also sits comfortably on my book shelf with his commentaries on the Gospel of John- right near Old Man's War by John Scalzi (SF), The Sound of Laughter by Peter Kay (stand up), How to Read a Book (literary self-help), Towards God by Michael Casey (green Benedictine monk) and Carl Rogers (psychology). I do try to be Universal. I have atheists like Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett and, I don't know, there's probably a lot of them, on my shelves. I also have orthodox, tibetan, zen, sufi, episcolian, franciscan, scientific, yogis and existialists. I believe in a world that can pull together. I believe my book shelf doesn't clash with all it's colours (mostly because they are books). We can reweave this rainbow. But we alone, amongst all species can do that. At one point I would like to tell people why I don't believe in reincarnation (c'mon, how are you going to be a good scrub bush turkey) but that's just my opinion. I certainly don't know as much as the Dalai Lama on the topic. I would be ignorant and deluded to say I did. We didn't go to the same school. So now let me tell you what I've been doing lately.
I began my Facebook page and my blog with what seemed such a simple dream- to save the Great Barrier Reef in Australia while in the city of Nagoya through a self started charity and a book about how the most heroic and courageous lives could be perfectly ordinary ones lived in relative anonymity. My friend E would have been relatively pleased to note that I was keeping to my end of the bargain. I was still pretty good at not being Ghandi, and being Grant was never easier. I still didn't have my salt mine but I had tried to be more proactive, to make more choices.
I had tried to do something more useful than complaining. I had found some things to focus on- issues I cared about- and to fulfil some of my artistic ambitions- I was trying to write a book. The problem seemed simple but the solution more hazy. The only problem, as far as I could see, was I was having a lot of problems.
Let's begin with the obvious stuff. I had been reclassified as a SKZFRNC, rediagnosed myself as a problem drinker at times, my wife thought me more than a little crazy. But I didn't have time to think about such trivialities. I was busy. I worked in a frenzy of misguided activity, as I furiously put pen to paper, paper to wordpress, wordpress to my new blog as well as racking up some serious Facebook credibility. On Facebook, I friended everyone I could think of. I hadn't yet tried Matt again- I couldn't brave the rejection. But I was now friends with 32 other people. Of these, about 5 were people I knew quite well in Nagoya, another 5 were people I knew in Nagoya a bit more, a couple of very old friends, only one of whom I had kept good contact with and a few people I barely knew. The rest of my contacts were family members I had long since lost touch with. It was great to get back in touch with my roots but, for crying out loud, (no offence to anyone) I was trying to spread my message virally and I was right back where I started!
I wanted to be friends on Facebook with 1000 people I barely knew or had never met- not my relatives! It just didn't seem like a very good way to go viral. The whole scheme seemed set to implode at any moment. To be continued...
Interlude: ORDINARY DAY
* Got my prescription refilled. Stony silence on the way there. Wrote down something in my notebook, might use it (it's because everyone else thinks I'm a little carazy when it's this world that's gone completely mad. Worried about what we're making. So anyway,
E ' R U O Y
G N I D A E R
Y M
K O O B
S D R A W K C A B
S T :-) O P I D
I asked the doctor if I could ask a question. He said no ?!?, just NO. That's whack
* Fortune still seems on my side
* Today I ran into Andy, a really great guy from Columbia who I knew through my old part time job
* He told me he had to do some praying. I thought I misheard him. Hope he wasn't offended.
* Conversation felt a bit stilted
* My wife and I sat down to a surprisingly delicious meal at a cheap restaraunt. My wife had two dishes for the price of my one. I sampled them and they were pretty tasty. We also had some fried chickedn for a couple of bucks. All up, the cost was about $12 for two.
* Went shopping for second hand clothes with S. Bought a blue, red and white polo shirt and a Blue overcoat, as well as a green one. All up about $25.
* On the way home someone called out Grantsan. It was Mr Inoue, the caretaker at my last school. Tentatively, I asked how it would be if I turned up at school for a day, just to say hello. He said that that would be great. I felt happy. I still don't know why I can't get or keep in touch with people.
* I went to my first ever shamisen lesson. It was really great. We only played one song, "Sakura, Sakura" or cherry blossom, cherry blossom. But it actually seemed doable. (PS: I've never been very good at music. I stopped playing the violin because I actually thought my mother wanted me to stop practicing it. This was back in Grade 5. At Karaoke I almost got into a fight with some asshole from Texas who told me to stop singing. I can cope with that, and I do, from friends, but not from almost complete strangers I see in a bar and invite along to be with my wife and her friend. I bought him a beer too, and he asked me to get him one. Brought it back and he said I bought the wrong one! What a prick. But I hope he's changed a little or mellowed. He asked me if I wanted to fight. I said, no, I just think you're rude. Why does that mean I want to fight. I've got better things to do than get beaten up by morons who haven't learnt any fucking manners. I said some of that, but not all of it. I didn't back down, because shit heads don't really scare me. One of the scariest things is a person who is not very afraid of a little self-inflicted pain. So if someone kicks me in the shins, which they did twice (once as a child and once as an adult), well the second time, I just hit myself in the head. Like in American beauty. Hopefully, I've grown up a bit and wouldn't be so masochistic.)
Anyway... digression aside... The shamisen looks a bit like a banjo and playing it felt similar to what it must be to play a guitar with only three strings and a giant pick that looks like a comb. I was actually pretty good at it, I thought. Wow, found an instrument! Cool.
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